Somewhere You Belong...

This post dedicated to the dearly grandmother which has been called by God to stay protected until the Judgment Day befalls…


It was early in the morning I woke up like usual especially during the weekends. Nothing weird, nothing unusual, stills the same view I see everyday. As I walked down the stairs, it was empty, no one was there but I still can sense someone’s presence a few minutes ago. I tried to searched, but found no one except my two brothers still sleeping. The usual option when in this kind of time, a phone call to my mum’s cell phone was made.

The first thing I heard upon saying hello is the shocking death of her. I totally was lost of words as I’m still gathering my strength to hold the phone and listen to my mum. Short after the call, I informed my sis and waited for my brothers to wake up to inform the sulky yet sadden news.

I spent the day trying to distract myself from having the ‘thoughts’ by washing mum’s car because tomorrow we are going back to mum’s village. Somehow it worked.
In the evening, mum called as dad wants to speak with me. I said why? He asked me to come to the funeral. I okay-ed and quickly gets prepared and my youngest brother decided to tagged along.

Even though I never even know where the exact burial place is, I rushed to the place. Luck was at my side, or should I say maybe my grandma’s ‘remnants’ was calling my instinct to take a look at the road side and saw the convoy to the cemetery. I quickly turned and tracked down the convoy.

During at the burial ceremony, the vigil and cold atmosphere was clouding us. I just stared at her grave endlessly without any thoughts. Upon the Imam started the recital for the dead, in all of the sudden the memories of the past came into me. The things when I was still small and during Eid, now they are all getting back to me, how she treated me right after I arrived, feeding me with her cooking, just to make sure her lovely grandchildren was well fed and growing up nicely. She made sure that she had the original village’s chicken eggs in stock as she loved to let me ate it. When early in the morning, she will buy us plenty of ‘Nasi lemak’ and any other breakfast for us to eat. I still can remember she petted my head after she gave me some money during the Eid…

A few of these thoughts coming through my mind, it was unbearable as I slowly started shed tears during the ceremony. I tried my best to hold on, but still, it was flowing very slowly. I know, it is wrong to shed tears in front of the grave, but those thoughts were attacking me endlessly. I’m not sure whether my mum saw me or not, nut I hope no one does, as I didn’t even looked at anyone during that time.

After everything was done, it is time to head back. I took a final stare at grandma’s grave for the last time, hoping that she will be freed from this world’s pain and preparing herself for the heaven’s gate and resides with the almighty God forever.

As for us which were left living in this temporary world, life goes on and one day, we will be there, few feet under the earth. No one shall live forever. Dear grandma, I’ll be missing you. Hope dear God bless her soul and let her rest peacefully.

Al-Fatihah.